I want to be purposeful in my singlehood; what can I do?

February 22, 2022
Personal Growth

“Will I ever find someone?”

“Is it ever going to happen?”

“It would be nice to have someone to share my life with.”

I'm pretty sure all single people have said these once. Being single and well into my 40's, I’ve had my fair share of such thoughts.

Have you ever wondered why we think this way?

God is love, and we were made in His image. So at the core of our being, we long to be loved unconditionally, powerfully and persistently. We want to be in a relationship where we are significant to someone. But sometimes, in the pursuit of romantic love, we forget that God is the source of unconditional love.

You see, it's not a sin to want to be attached or married.  I still desire to have my own family and have not given up praying for it. However, marriage is not and should not be the goal. It is a gift from God when the time is right. So while I am single, I am grateful for this opportunity to live fully in this season while I prepare. 

In waiting for God's timing and provision, we are to fulfill our core purpose --- to have an intimate relationship with Him.

When we don't draw close to God and this core desire isn’t met, we put our expectations on people. We begin to say, "If only I had a husband to spend the rest of my life with, I would be complete." 

Remember though: God wants us to be content in ALL seasons. That includes our season of singlehood. And contentment will always be found in Him.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

How To Have a Purposeful Season of Singlehood

In this time of waiting, here are some things that I have done and you could apply too.

1. Devote Time to God 

If you can't find time to read your Bible or books about God now, you'll probably not read them later when you're married. Singlehood gives you that amazing opportunity to establish your faith and prayer life.

Comparatively, once married, you will have more commitments - running a household, caring for kids - that could distract you.

Paul says, "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided." (1 Corinthians 7:32-34)


2. Develop Yourself and Your Relationships

Take the time to do some meaningful reflection while you are single. It is the best time for solitude and healing from past hurts you may have experienced. Meet with a counselor with whom you can process your emotions.

Establish a solid support system, whether through friends or family. Small groups are a great network that prays with and for you as you grow together in faith.

Volunteer in church activities. In addition to serving Christ and His body, these are opportunities to meet different people (men and women), and will help you become a well-rounded individual.

Travel solo or go on mission trips. These allow you to get out of your comfort zone, explore new places and experience different cultures.  It will open your eyes to see how big God is and the diversity of creation. And in the case of missions, to be an extension of God’s love.


3. Be Intentional and Prepare for Your Future through Prayer

God wants us to enjoy the present while we prepare for the future. This season of singlehood is the perfect time to prepare so that you are ready to embrace the future God has for you.

Whether you are married with a few kids or still single a few years from now, you'll be able to look back and thank God for how he prepared you for your season.

As for me,  whether or not I get married, I will continue to trust the Lord for His plans and His perfect time.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." (Hebrews 10:23)

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